Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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