i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
