ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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