i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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