I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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