I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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