Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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