We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
