i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
