I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
