I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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