Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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