I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
im holly from the hills drunk
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
