We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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