no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
