i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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