69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
