Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I will pee on everything he values.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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