What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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