i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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