If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
pray to the hookup gods
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
