So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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