I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
