4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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