weddingsv make me drug and hornr
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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