do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
