Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
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There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
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