Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i now understand why vodka
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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