I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
