You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
