Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
