I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
