Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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