do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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