God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
