I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she pinky promised me she was 18
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
