Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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