i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
