I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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