Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
