it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
