Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
