Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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