He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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