we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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