I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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