Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
only if we run a train.
done.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It's blow job season.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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