So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
