why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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