can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
