i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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