I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
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I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
foreskin is a definite game changer
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Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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