if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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