last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
