And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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