I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
