is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
