I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
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wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
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The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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