I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
