Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
