I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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