I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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