ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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