and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
