My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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