I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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