Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
