Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
