Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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