I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
