Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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