He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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