the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Mom said you looked used
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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