would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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